Why Your Husband Has Lost Interest In You

by

Monica Burns-Capers

I wrote a very popular article a couple of years ago, that's all over the internet titled: “Why He Lost Interest After The Chase.” Today I received a comment about that article from a reader who didn't quite understand it or agree with the article's contents. The contents of that article was written for the women who were wondering why after these men have chased them for such a long time, remained persistent throughout their chase, and when these men finally get with these women; the men are no longer interested in them. The reader's reason for not understanding and agreeing with the article was obvious, as the article was not written nor was the content slanted towards married couples. The reader sent me an email today and she asked, “Why Would A Husband Lose Interest In His Wife,” which is my reason for writing this article today.

I am not a marriage counselor, nor do I aspire to be. I do know that there is not one particular reason why a husband may have lost interest in his wife. It could be for any number of reasons, which may have nothing at all to do with the wife. However, in the event that the wife is indeed the problem, here are a few reasons why:

• You Are Never Pleased With Anything He Does For You or Otherwise – If you are an ungrateful woman who can't be pleased no matter what your husband does for you, then you are certainly the problem dear! He maybe tired of trying to please someone who just refuses to be happy. So when the secretary or the pretty executive at the office praises him often for his intellect, it will undoubtedly impress him. And no, this does not justify him cheating at all. You should always be your husband's strongest supporter, no matter what; especially if he's treating you right and taking great care of you as his wife. Appreciate the things that he does for you. Be thankful if you are a housewife, that you don't have to work, but that you have the leisure of staying home with the kids. I constantly tell my associates, “My Husband Is The Support of 20,000 People. He Makes Me Feel As If I Can Do Anything In This Whole Universe!” You should allow your husband to express his concerns to you without your criticism. If he has attempted to talk with you about your relationship and constantly tries different ways to please you, but you keep shutting him down; what other treatment do you expect or think that you deserve from him?

• Now You Want To Have “Work Done”- The time to be keeping yourself up is “All The Time,” not when you suspect him of cheating. So many women make this mistake. They get their Plastic Surgery, Botox, and Lip Injections to attempt to look like the young women that they think their husbands may be interested in, or cheating with...if he is cheating! In many cases, your husband just wants the wife he first fell in love with. When you get all that Botox and Plastic Surgery, you are no longer that person, at least not in appearance! So the opposite happens here. Your husband may go out and find an “ordinary” woman, and again it doesn't justify him cheating. He wants the woman that you were when he first met you. A woman that can show and express how she feels. With Botox and all that other “stuff,” I don't believe that's possible!

• You're Always Putting Your Family In Your Business – Now.....there is no need for your mother, sisters, and brothers to know every single thing that goes on in your house with your husband. This may cause him to lose trust in you. He'll start to confide in someone else who listens to him. Someone who doesn't feel the need to call the whole family to update them on their discussions. This can develop into an “emotional relationship” with this other person. Something that he no longer has with you. And why? He no longer has any trust in you. He can't tell you anything! Everything you two talk about, the family will always know about it. Put yourself in the same situation. How would you feel?

• Is Cheating How You Met Your Current Husband? - In this case, if your current husband was cheating on his ex-wife with you, and the end result was you two getting married; honey this should be very self-explanatory! Maybe it was love. I don't know, but don't count on him not finding someone more interesting than you are. After all, there is always someone more interesting than the next. Keep in mind that cheating is the way you met him, and the universe has to balance!

Of course, the reasons above are just a few and are not at all conclusive, but they can answer some of your questions and/or address some of your concerns. If it appears that your husband is losing interest in you, instead of assuming, why not just ask him. Men can't or will not even attempt to read our minds, they just can't. We must communicate to our husbands, exactly what it is that we are feeling and thinking and we must allow them to do the same.

Appreciate and support your husbands, Keep yourselves looking great always, Keep your families out of your business, and don't cheat with other women's husbands. What You Put Out Into The Universe....You'll Get Back - Good or Bad. Remember The Universe Has To Balance!

Monica Burns-Capers

Copyright ©2008 Monica Burns-Capers. All Rights Reserved.

Monica Burns-Capers is an Expert Author, Freelance Writer, Consultant, Adjunct College Instructor and President/CEO of Monica Mi'Chelle Communications: A Professional Writing and Self-Development Firm. For More Information, Visit Her Website At: www.monicamburns.com.

Men.....Don't Bite Off More Than You Can Chew

by

Monica Burns-Capers

Ladies.......have you been the woman on the receiving end of practically an “almost stalker type of man,” attempting to do whatever it takes to get a date or possibly develop a relationship with you? And once he finally gets the date, or you go even further and a relationship ensues between the two of you, he has no idea on how to treat or talk to you?

This is a classic case of “Don't Go To The Grocery Store Hungry Guys and If You Do, Stick With The Off-Brands Until You Are Sure You Can Afford The Fine Name-Brands!” These men end up with things that they know nothing about, can't do anything with, have no clue on how to mix the ingredients for making two different flavors come together to form one, and spend all their waking time trying to figure the whole process out again. So now what happens? These men modify and manipulate their own flavors by trying to feed the name-brands, their off-brand ingredients. They ignore the instructions on the box, by adding a little more of this and a lot more of that, resulting in a very bad creation of something they expect others to digest. They have been settling for the off-brands for so long, they actually think that there isn't a difference in the flavors and ingredients in the name-brands. (Some off-brand products are great, but keep in mind here people, that we are talking about interaction and communication between men and women, not actual groceries...it's just an analogy and metaphor!) Furthermore, my reference to women as “groceries,” is also just an analogy and a metaphoric expression describing a man dating a woman who is clearly of a much higher caliber than what his familiarities are.

I myself, have been in this situation a few times. The guy will get so excited about meeting me and we'll start to converse by phone first. Following many phone conversations to get a “feel” for the type of guy he might be, I agree to a date. (Thankfully, I am married now and don't have to go through this anymore!) Ladies let me tell you, their tongues get tied, they're nervous, and you have to practically hold their hands, so to speak, to get them through the date and simple conversation. Okay yes, he is taken by your beauty, intelligence and confidence; but before he makes that move in approaching you, he needs to understand that because you are beautiful, intelligent and confident - you have guys falling at your feet everyday. So any man that approaches you has to have his nerves in check, deliver his 30-second elevator speech quickly, and then you may think about it. Ultimately, he has to be able to deliver great conversation at all times.

So now you have been seeing each other for at least a couple of months. You are going out on regular dates and having fun, so you thought! Out of the blue, here he comes with this, “You Get Too Much Attention. I Don't Know If I Can Handle Being With You.” Ladies, this has nothing to do with you. He is an insecure man, whose eyes were much larger than his stomach when he first approached you. He was hungry, went grocery shopping, and thought he could actually handle the price and pleasantries of the name-brands. I guess he didn't know that the cost was a tad bit more if he wanted the experience. He knew he wouldn't be able to handle being in your presence, but he pursued you anyway. He pretended to be someone that he wasn't, and now his world is about to fall apart because he doesn't have a clue on how to keep you or talk to you.

Some men will also blame you when their insecurities flare up. They'll say something like, “Were You Smiling At That Guy?” Why Was He Gawking At You?” “Are You Seeing Him?” “If You Didn't Dress So Sexy When We Go Out, I Wouldn't Have This Problem!” Those statements are an attempt to turn his insecurities toward you and on you. He figures that if he can make you feel as if you are causing all of his inner turmoil, you will feel guilty. As this treatments persists and the longer you allow it, eventually your self-esteem and confidence will suffer in the process.

Guys.....never approach a woman whom you know - due to inner issues in your life at the present moment - you will never be able to have a relationship with. Okay so she's gorgeous, she passes by you everyday on her way to work, and you just gotta say something to her. Say Hi, Good Morning, or Tastefully Compliment her and keep it moving, especially when you honestly know that you are not ready for the experience.

Whenever you prematurely engage in anything in life, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. You've placed the level of value on yourself that you currently have and the universe will only meet the expectations set forth by you. You can't expect a woman of high caliber to become interested in you if you have low self-value. We see and know this before you even open up your mouth to breath. We'll get bored easily because you are making the responsibility ours in making you feel better about yourselves. You were not prepared. You spontaneously and impulsively jumped at what you thought was an opportunity. When you didn't get the results that you desired, it resulted in blame and belittling, which are sure fire ways to lose a beautiful, intelligent,and confident woman. And Why? Because she doesn't have to take the treatment and she won't. Men...do your homework, work on your inner issues, and remember to shop in your regular section of the grocery store, until you are sure you can afford the pleasantries of the fine name-brands.

Monica Burns-Capers

Copyright ©2008 Monica Burns-Capers

Monica Burns-Capers is an Expert Author, Freelance Writer, Consultant, Adjunct College Instructor and President/CEO of Monica Mi'Chelle Communications: A Professional Writing and Self-Development Firm. For More Information, Visit Her Website At: www.monicamburns.com.

The Dream of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

by

Monica Burns-Capers

The “I Have A Dream Speech” by Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.," was one of hope and equality for everyone, not just one race of people. He stood up for and protested the injustice and unfair treatment of the Black Race, but asked us to forgive and display harmony with all races. It is so sad that his “Birthday” can't be celebrated as a wonderful and life-changing event in history, but rather with negativity and unnecessary idiosyncrasy. The same injustice and unfair treatment he hoped for and verbalized, has been overshadowed by people and their hatred, which still exists in this world today. He must be turning over in his grave right now!

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. desired harmony and fair treatment between all of the races. Not one time did he preach hate. Why is it when a “civil rights march for equality and fair treatment” is taking place anywhere in this world, it has to be made into a negative event because a group of people are trying to intimidate those, who just want fair treatment and justice for ALL? That only displays some sort of insecurity and fear on their part. I mean, what are the “civil rights marchers” trying to take away from this group of people? Not A Thing! The African American Race are only standing up for what they desire wholeheartedly in this world. Equal Treatment and Justice. They aren't “Marching” in hopes that the African American Community will hate a particular group of people. The “Marches” are attempts to make the dream of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., come alive and stay alive. This man's life was taken away from him, fighting for the rights of everyone; and people are turning his Birthday into a race riot of nonsense. If it wasn't for Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. fighting for equality and justice for everyone, where would we be right now...all of us - Black, White, and All Other Races? Some of you are trying to keep the past upon the surface. What are you afraid of exactly? Why do you hate? Do you even know? If you were taught hatred early on in your life as a child, bless your heart because you really don't understand. But, if you really want to know what being an African American is like, why not have an open mind. You might just like us after all? You'll be quite surprised! Despite what any one person of hate believes, We Are Intelligent. We Are Well Educated. We Own Businesses. We Live Well. We Welcome Any Race Into Our Families. We Are Hardworking. We Can Articulate Very Well. And, No... We Don't All Look Alike! You'd think that of all the negativity our ancestors was subjected to day after day, it would make us hate those who aren't African American. It's just the opposite. We know that nothing comes from hating a group of people because of their skin color. It will get us no where, because we can't change our skin color. We just want a better world, something we fight for everyday in our jobs, our environments, and in our education. We don't have the time in our lives to hate anyone. We are too busy trying to survive and keep our heads a little bit above the water – which are those of hatred – that's constantly trying to pull us back down and drown us.

Let the nonsense go people! Hating others is only going to get you a first-class ticket to no where. As a Professional Black Woman, raised by a White Grandfather and Black/ Cherokee Indian Grandmother, I feel as if I have all the races mixed in me somewhere, and I am quite okay with it. It doesn't mess with my head when people come up to me and ask “Excuse Me, What Nationality Are You?” I don't favor one group of people over the next, I love everybody!

My dream for this world, is to one day witness a “March” where all groups of people can just come together, give each other big hugs and move on with their lives manifesting the dream of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Maybe my dreams are too grand for actual reality, but I know it's possible. We all have choices to make. Are you going to live your life in bondage hating or do you desire abundance, prosperity, and love? Hating others won't garner you abundance and prosperity, until you learn to love. When you are protesting and preaching hate towards a group of people, are you also praying to your Higher Power to make your life better? Until you release the hate, you will remain in turmoil fighting inner demons that are eating away at your insides. You have hated so long, that you actually believe it!

What are we accomplishing from hating each other anyway? I'll tell you: We are stressed-out, nothing goes good in our lives, we are content just staying and being mediocre, hardships seems to follow us everywhere we go, we can't catch a break in life, we have unexplained aches and pain, and so on and so forth. Most of your hatred was taught to you earlier on in your life. Know this: “Learned Behavior Can Be Unlearned.”

Take the challenge towards receiving blessings in your life today by loving all people whether you know them or not; and choosing the race in which you prefer to love isn't optional. We are put on this Earth to love each other, that includes our enemies and people of other races. You can't serve God, the Universe, or whomever your Higher Power may be, by projecting and displaying hate towards each other. “He” is not a part-time spirit, and that means you must be a full-time worshipper of your Higher Power. Hating others and praying for a better life at the same time is contradictory and hypocritical, and does nothing but put a halt on anything wonderful that the Universe has in store for you. Furthermore, how can you have the audacity? None of us have enough knowledge of this world to hate or judge anyone anyway.

“Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly. I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be. This is the interrelated structure of reality.”

~ Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.~

Monica Burns-Capers

Copyright ©2008 Monica Burns-Capers. All Rights Reserved.

Monica Burns-Capers is an Expert Author, Freelance Writer, Consultant, Adjunct College Instructor and President/CEO of Monica Mi'Chelle Communications: A Professional Writing and Self-Development Firm. For More Information, Visit Her Website At: www.monicamburns.com.

by

Monica Burns-Capers

We've all had those days where whatever could go wrong.......did! We just couldn't seem to get right, no matter what we did or said. Well, I am a firm believer in the saying “Everything Happens For A Reason,” and I wholeheartedly think that when things aren't right at the moment, we need to find the message in that lesson, in order to move forward.

Wherever you are at the present moment in your life, is where you need to be. You need to be there so that you can obtain the knowledge necessary to move forward towards your life's path. If you continue to do the same thing and getting the same results – it is clearly obvious that it's time for a change. There is always a lesson to be learned through whatever we experience at any given moment. If you find that you can't move forward, you need to find your lesson in those unfortunate life events. It is a key component in determining your future. Things just don't go wrong for no reason.

You can't go against “God's Will” no matter how hard you try. This is one reason why things keep going wrong in some of our lives. We hear the little voice inside and we feel that uncomfortable feeling as well, but we are disobedient. You have to act on what you know is the right thing to do. Yes, it may feel a bit uncomfortable at first, but think of yourself as having peace of mind, less stress, and continued blessings. You can't buy peace of mind for any amount of money in this whole entire world. What He has laid out for you, is a life beyond anything that you can possibly imagine. In order to start reaping the rewards and benefits of this life; you must stay in faith, take action, and be aware of the life lessons you are being taught. When you pray, don't worry and of course, if you are going to worry, don't pray. If life is serving you constant hardships, it is temporary. What are you doing to start climbing out of your situation. God will only meet you at the level of expectation that you have set for yourself. You can't expect the Universe to supply you handsomely with abundance and prosperity, if you are not willing to roll up your sleeves and get to work towards obtaining abundance and prosperity. The Universe helps those who helps themselves.

I also hear a lot of people say “I Have Faith That The Lord Is Going To Make My Situation Better,” but they continue to sit on that couch day after day watching soap operas, expecting a big gift box to fall from the heavens. They also pray and pray and pray, but still sit their butts on that couch day after day without putting forth any efforts in obtaining what they're praying and having faith for. The only way your situation will get better is if you are already doing what's necessary; your strong faith will undoubtedly reward you in the process. You can't have faith, and sit on your butt and wait for a blessing to fall in your lap. That's not the way it works. Your actions are the determining factor. The strength of your efforts will be the measurement of your results.

Stop blaming others for your unfortunate life events and do something about your situation. If you are currently living with relatives, besides being homeless, what is the lesson you need to learn while living there? Plan never to come back. If you have a friend who constantly makes you feel bad about yourself, what is the lesson in this experience? She is not your friend. Do you have people around you that are draining out all of your positive energy? What is the lesson? You can love them from afar honey! Are you in a relationship where you are belittled constantly? What is the lesson? You must work to start loving yourself. Do you have a boss who is regularly disrespectful? What is the lesson? Find another job!

Opportunities to learn are all around us. And if you will notice your opportunities and the lessons that life is trying to teach you, you will realize that “When Things Go Wrong, There Is A Message Waiting For You In Your Experience. Things Go Wrong For A Reason. As Long As You Continue To Avoid the Lesson In Finding Your Truth, Things Will Continue To Go Wrong For You. You Were Headed Down A Path That Was Not Beneficial To or For You, So You Came Upon A Hill In The Road That Seemed Too Steep To Climb (Your Unfortunate Life Event). You Try On Your Own To Find A Way To Climb That Hill, Without Seeking Instruction and Clarity From The Universe – Things Will Continue To Go Wrong. You Must Ask The Universe To Show You The Way To Get Over That Hill and You Must Recognize The Answer When You Receive It From The Universe, So That You Can Start Living The Life That You Were Put Here To Live.” You Can Never Go Against The Universe......God's Will.

Monica Burns-Capers

Copyright ©2008 Monica Burns-Capers

Monica Burns-Capers is an Expert Author, Freelance Writer, Consultant, Adjunct College Instructor and President/CEO of Monica Mi'Chelle Communications: A Professional Writing and Self-Development Firm. For More Information, Visit Her Website At: www.monicamburns.com.

Are You Sharing Your Man With Another Woman?

by

Monica Burns-Capers

Ladies......all too often, especially since the introduction of all the reality television dating shows and talk shows, we have lost true perspective into what a real loving relationship is all about. We watch these shows and the women on them can't wait for their date nights, they're kissing the men right after he's just kissed some other woman, they even go so far as to have sex with these men to see who can give it better, because their main goal is “I want him to choose me.” That is reality television, but in the very real world of ordinary working women, some actually think that it's okay to share a man. Of course, there are those women who have no idea that they are sharing their men; this article is not about them. This article addresses concerns to the women who think that they aren't worth being the only woman that their men should love.

Some of us actually believe the saying that there are “five or so women for every man,” because of a man shortage in this world. If you go through life believing that nonsense, of course, you are going to continue to share every man that you meet. You really won't care if he has a woman or not. The issue will never be raised throughout the course of your relationship, because you think that's the way it's supposed to be. I don't remember us being put on this earth to suffer, be sad, and have our feelings hurt over and over again; however, I do believe that we must experience some amount of pain and suffering for continuous life-long learning and to gain further and advanced knowledge, one of our true purposes here in this life. This does not mean that as a woman, you should continue to suffer and feel the pain of sharing your man with other women. If you have not yet learned the lesson in your experience, it just means that you have more growing to do and additional knowledge to gain. When you're ready, your entire world will change.

These types of men prey upon women they think have low self-esteem; and obviously so because you agreed to share him. When you continue to allow these men to feel that it's okay to have two or more women and questions are never asked, do you think he's going to get a conscience and just stop because he feels bad? It's not happening! He will see nothing wrong with the arrangement of having two or more women, because you see nothing wrong with the arrangement of him having two or more women. If you are allowing this, I don't think that I can believe it's because that's the way you prefer it. You obviously must think that you are not worth being loved and being in a committed relationship that consists only of you and your man. Most times when women are engaged in these types of arrangements, it's mainly just for pleasure purposes and have nothing to do with a relationship. But, if you are allowing him to live with you half the week and “her” the other half, this is more than just a sexual fling ladies......You Are Sharing A Man! Some women may even go so far as to say “Well He's My Kids Father.” Being your kids father does not justify sharing him with other women. Is he “her” kids father too? What message are you sending to your kids, especially if you have a daughter? If you have a daughter and she knows about the arrangement; and sees that her mom appears okay with it and she's not sad, imagine what she must be thinking, “Why can't I do the same thing? Mom says there's a shortage of men anyway, it's better being woman number two than no number at all.” Your daughter must know that she is worth way more than being woman number two. You must teach her to think and know (regardless of your current arrangement) that she is worth being the number one woman or nothing at all!”

Know that you are worth being loved, you are beautiful, and you should always be the one and only woman in your man's life. If you are committed to a man at present, whom you're sharing with others, imagine the commitment and love you can give to a man who really wants to love you and only you. Life could be much better, if you can just believe your worth.

Monica Burns-Capers

Copyright ©2008 Monica Burns-Capers. All Rights Reserved.

Monica Burns-Capers is an Expert Author, Freelance Writer, Consultant, Adjunct College Instructor and President/CEO of Monica Mi'Chelle Communications: A Professional Writing and Self-Development Firm. For More Information, Visit Her Website At: www.monicamburns.com.

Gone Is The Peace of Mind In Shopping At One Giant Online Retailer

by

Monica Burns-Capers

During the 2007 Christmas Holiday Season, I did most of my shopping online. My reason for this was to escape the large crowds, experience good customer service, avoid the long lines, and just having the convenience and comfort of having my packages delivered to my door. Boy, was I wrong about all of the above with one giant online retailer. This particular online retailer sells books mostly, along with a plethora of other merchandise....shoes, clothing, office supplies, etc. You name it and they have it (or at least that's what I thought). They also allow third-party merchants to sell their items on the web site as well. This online retailer is not Barnes & Noble. It is not Borders Books. No it's not Wal-Mart. So who does that leave people? Well....we'll just keep it a little secret amongst ourselves!

Warning to all whom enjoy shopping at this giant online retailer as I once did, your shopping experience probably will go smoothly, provided you won't need any refunds, have to exchange merchandise, or need to refer to customer service for anything. If you purchased an item that was too small, too large, or they just accidentally sent you the wrong order, you better just take the loss. You will never receive a refund and exchanging anything is out of the question. People......this giant online retailer will charge your account for orders you did not purchase. Other customers accounts will be credited with your financial information and your account will be deducted with other customers purchases. Now how would they manage to screw this all up and just credit and deduct customers accounts at random. It costs them nothing, their customer service is not trained, most don't speak English, and from my experience, they could care less about the consumer. I even wrote the President of the company. I've received no response as of yet. My problem occurred December 8, 2007. This giant online retailer had two items that were listed as in stock on their website that I was quite interested in purchasing. They were on sale so I placed an order for the two items. The next day I opened my email and read that the items were never in stock and I would be receiving a refund in 5-10 business days for the two items. I was okay with that. Secondly, Christmas gifts were purchased from this same giant online retailer for my husband, he couldn't open the gift until Christmas Day. Anyway, the item was too small. I placed a call to the Customer Service Department and explained this situation and was told “we don't exchange items, but you can return the item, reorder the item in the correct size, and wait on your refund.” So you're probably wondering what's so difficult about that? People.......it is mid-January, I have not yet received the first refunds for the items that were never in stock, so I wasn't confident in receiving the third and last refund. To this day, January 17, 2007 I have no refunds and no merchandise to show for the deductions that they've made to my account for all of the above, since early December 2007. As of this writing, my account has been deducted for all of the above items with nothing to show for it.

Your financial information is in the hands of inexperienced customer service people who are there to just warm the seats and read the scripts. This is scary because they have access to your Credit Card Information, Bank Account Information and more. After reviewing the Consumer Affairs Website with published complaints on this giant online retailer, I wish I would have read it earlier, but things happen as they're supposed to and for good reason. Had I not had this experience, I'd probably be sitting here at my computer and shopping on the giant online retailer's website, instead of writing this article. I'm not a selfish individual and feel that no other person should have to be subjected to such awful treatment, my reason for truly writing this article. I've accepted my losses and I have also accepted the fact that I'll never see my refunds. I just hope whomever has my refunds, utilizes the money for a good cause.

This experience has made me want to just go into a physical store now, stand in a long, long line and even put up with a clerk with the world's most awful attitude, than shop at this giant online retailer ever again in my lifetime. I don't want anyone else to experience such unprofessional business practices and work ethics. So be warned and shop at your own risk at this giant online retailer. Maybe your experience won't be so bad. You may just actually get your refunds. Are you going to take the chance?

Monica Burns-Capers

Copyright ©2008 Monica Burns-Capers. All Rights Reserved.

Monica Burns-Capers is an Expert Author, Freelance Writer, Consultant, Adjunct College Instructor and President/CEO of Monica Mi'Chelle Communications: A Professional Writing and Self-Development Firm. For More Information, Visit Her Website At: www.monicamburns.com.

Pleasing Everybody Is Impossible!

by

Monica Burns-Capers

There is no way in this world to getting everyone to agree on everything that you say or do. When you expect this, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. We are all made with different personalities and have our own opinions for a reason. Besides, if we all thought the same, the world would be less exciting.

We should all be surrounded with friends and/or family who will take an honest approach towards us. What we shouldn't have are friends and/or family who wants us to partake in anything that we are in disagreement about, especially if they're the only people who's benefiting. When you spend your life pleasing others, resentment will often times sneak up on you, leaving your relationship with the person(s) that you're trying to please in serious turmoil. Also, the person(s) that you're trying to please shouldn't be placing such responsibility on you anyway. These people are either living through you or they have the audacity to think that you owe them for something. For instance, if you are a parent whom has ruined your child's credit opening up all sorts of accounts in their name, because you were irresponsible with your own credit in your past– this is a clear sign of you thinking that your child owes you something in life. You can't use the same redundant statement: “Well, I took care of you all your life, the least you can do is help me out and take care of some things for me.” You made taking care of your child your responsibility, when you decided to conceive your child. The child owes you nothing. Give your child the option to offer assistance to you, if they are in a financial situation to do so. You have no right to just take anything from them for your own selfish reasons. Insisting that your child take a dance class that he/she is clearly not interested in, but it's something you wanted to do as a child, is a classic case of you living through your child. Now, you are really setting yourself up for disaster.

When anyone is forced to do anything, sooner or later, they are going to wake-up and realize “This is not what I want to do with my life. Mom/Dad this was your dream, not mine!” So now what? Why do you think so many college students start out wanting to be doctors, lawyers, etc., and then drastically changing their majors to Fine Arts, Dance, Music, etc., or something unlike any expectations that their parents might have had for them. Allow your child to choose for themselves. The goal should be to tell your child to choose whatever makes them happy and brings peace to them in their lives. As the parent, you can still join a dance class if dancing is what you want to do. It's never too late to study for your degree, if a doctor is what you want to be; however, don't live through your child or force them to think that they owe you for taking care of them.

Pleasing others should be a feeling of choice. When we excel in areas of our lives that we independently chose for ourselves, and we actually love what we do; our loved ones should be genuinely happy for us without placing unrealistic expectations upon us. This should be the only feeling of pleasing that we should have efficient room for in each of our lives.

Monica Burns-Capers

Copyright ©2008 Monica Burns-Capers. All Rights Reserved.

Monica Burns-Capers is an Expert Author, Freelance Writer, Consultant, Adjunct College Instructor and President/CEO of Monica Mi'Chelle Communications: A Professional Writing and Self-Development Firm. For More Information, Visit Her Website At: www.monicamburns.com.

by

Monica Burns-Capers

Most of us are constantly seeking happiness and we don't have a clue to what will “really” contribute to making us happy. It seems that some of us are chasing an invisible entity towards happiness. There isn't any material possession, nor any amount of money that will make us happy. There isn't any one person in this world that can make us happy, they can contribute to it, but they absolutely can't make us happy. If you are placing that burden or responsibility on someone at the present, it is time you worked on your self-esteem and security issues. You must make yourself happy first, anything extra is like eating one more cupcake that won't make us fat! At the very moment, when you first receive your material possessions, yeah it will surely give you a feeling of instant gratification, but what happens when that “excitement high” goes down? You are right back where you started- chasing the unknown. So what do you do? Do you continue to purchase those material items, depend on someone else to make you happy, seek more monetary gain? Or would you try to “really” find your true happiness?

There are many, many ways that will contribute to your happiness, but listed here are three (3)ways that has nothing to do with you, rather, it allows you to do good to others......which is the true way to find happiness.

• Give A Compliment – We should be offering compliments to others freely, but some of us are so consumed with daily worries, ourselves, jealousy, and other “stuff,” that we never notice others. It doesn't matter whether they are strangers or not. How much energy does it take for you to compliment someone on a great outfit or hairstyle? Why not go even farther and compliment the person that you are envious of and notice the feeling you get. You will no longer be an envious person, but an admirer.

• Say Thank You – Anytime anyone does anything for you, the words “Thank You” should be your first words of acknowledgement to that individual(s). Even if you notice someone doing something nice for someone else and that person didn't offer a “Thank You,” why not just go ahead and say it for them. Appreciate your coworkers for a job well done. What about your hardworking secretary? If she didn't manage the office, where would you be today? Express your thanks to the cafeteria workers at your job or school. Don't you eat and enjoy the food there daily? Let them know that you enjoy it. Have you experienced outstanding customer service from someone? Write a letter to their higher-ups about that particular employee. It doesn't cost a cent to make someone else's day better.

• Serve Without Expectations – When you offer help to others without expecting anything in return, you are sure to receive many blessings. Offer your assistance and never talk about it to anyone. This displays genuine sincerity and that you truly have a gigantic heart full of gold. Serving others makes you feel great on the inside, and it's not an instant gratification. It is a life-long feeling, provided you continue serving for a lifetime. Why not offer your free services to an organization who specializes in assisting those who are low-income individuals. You could offer Job-Seeking Training, Resume Writing, Life-Skills,and a plethora of other practicalities.

There are all sorts of ways to bless others and make them feel great, at least for a day. It doesn't cost anything and your rewards will be great. Always think of ways you can do good to others who are especially deserving and some who aren't. Those that are negative, may just need a positive experience to direct them to change their ways. If you find that this is a difficult task, you are due for more understanding and growth. It doesn't make you an evil person, because you haven't served others. You just need to try it and see how wonderful it makes you feel. When you serve others, it brings you closer to your goals of success. It is inevitable! You will receive your blessings when you bless others.

Monica Burns-Capers

Copyright ©2008 Monica Burns-Capers. All Rights Reserved.

Monica Burns-Capers is an Expert Author, Freelance Writer, Consultant, Adjunct College Instructor and President/CEO of Monica Mi'Chelle Communications: A Professional Writing and Self-Development Firm. For More Information, Visit Her Website At: www.monicamburns.com.

by

Monica Burns-Capers

Most of us pray daily, asking “God,” “The Universe,” or whomever you refer to as your “Higher Power” to send us a blessing of some sort. However, if you are continuing to live the same way without any positive results - as far as you can see - chances are........you have received what you've asked for, but missed the opportunity by ignoring the “Whispers of Your Heart.”

Perhaps you've asked divine intervention over and over to assist you in escaping an abusive relationship, and of course, this is indeed a difficult and life-threatening situation. You are subjected to daily beatings and if suffering through just one more, it could very well be your last. Look back over your life in detail and ask yourself “Was There Really An Actual Escape Route?” Sure it was and no one said it was going to be easy. Have you picked the kids up from school, and one of the parents has asked you over for coffee? If you go alone to get the kids, what's stopping you from “having coffee” and asking for help? Maybe you've made a trip to the store for groceries alone and you noticed a pay phone or even better, brought your own cell-phone along with you. Okay so your abuser has a GPS System attached to your car and phone. Make the call that will save your life and throw the phone away; leave the abuser to track the phone in the trash can. Also, plan a safe hiding destination and leave the car where you left the phone. Always bring the kids along with you. Take a cab to your destination or ask a trusted friend whom your abuser isn't familiar with, to pick you up from the location. Your abuser has told you many times that he'll kill you if you ever left him. This has taken away any self-esteem you may have had and understandably, you really are scared that he might follow through on this threat. Well Dear......if he has threatened to kill you if you left him, it's just a matter of time before he kills you while you're with him.

Maybe you were in the check-out line at your local grocery store and the customer ahead of you didn't have enough money to pay for all of their items. What Is Your Heart Telling You? If you have been praying for a good, clean heart to change your ways, that was your opportunity to prove that you are ready to accept that good, clean heart and utilizing it to pay the difference on that customer's groceries.

Are you wondering why you're yet to be given that well-deserving promotion at your job? Do a little research and find out if you were cold towards anyone lately or in the past. While you were freely speaking negative comments about this person, was your heart saying “Leave It Alone and Walk Away” and you refused because you just had to lash back out of a hurt ego?” Was that person you lashed out at the boss's daughter? Was that person an Executive and Good Friend of the company's President, conducting a secret assessment of you; to confirm that you could perform well under pressure when given the new promotion? Remember.....your heart spoke to you and told you to “Walk Away.”

We get “Little Whispers” constantly, granted they are in alignment with our mission and purpose in life. It is that intuition that may feel a bit uncomfortable, which is there to stretch you to your true potential in life. If your obstacle is fear, you've created that monster in your own mind. What's to fear? No one in this world is no more important than the next and none of us have enough knowledge of this world to judge each other. God speaks to us through our hearts. It's where he lives in you. The whisper is quiet and you must get still to hear it and feel it. It's that urgency that you know you “must” act upon, even through the thick fog of uncomfortable uncertainty that's ahead of you. You'll have many more chances to hear your “Whispers.” Will you recognize them and respond? The “Whispers of Your Heart” can only take you beyond anything you could ever imagine for yourself.

Monica Burns-Capers

Copyright ©2008 Monica Burns-Capers. All Rights Reserved.

Monica Burns-Capers is an Expert Author, Freelance Writer, Consultant, Adjunct College Instructor and President/CEO of Monica Mi'Chelle Communications: A Professional Writing and Self-Development Firm. For More Information, Visit Her Website At: www.monicamburns.com.